


Loki, Please Leave my Office. Now.

by SBB



Category: Loki - Fandom
Genre: Gen, Office Comedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-31
Updated: 2013-12-31
Packaged: 2018-01-06 20:52:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1111386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SBB/pseuds/SBB
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I took my little Lego Loki figure into my office but didn't know that the real Loki came with him.  Let me tell you, Loki can wreak havoc in a middle school.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Loki, Please Leave my Office. Now.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Jeanne](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jeanne/gifts).



 

            I read a great many stories that start the way this one does – an unsuspecting person buys a small figure made of stone or clay and brings it home with her only to find that this little figure, this representation of someone or something, brings home with it something out of the ordinary, something completely unexpected. It brings some kind of spirit or presence that acts out and causes strange and unwelcome events.  I read one story where a jinn inhabited the object and one in which a small demon inhabited another. We all saw the movie where all the objects in an entire museum came alive at night.  That’s all very well and the stories are entertaining, but they’re just stories, right?  If one brought home such an object one would expect it to come from Mesopotamia or an ancient Native American grave site: somewhere old, somewhere mysterious. It never occurred to me that a little Lego figure I bought from Ebay ($4.79 plus shipping) would wreak havoc in my life.  Why would I think that just because it’s plastic and that I put it together (I lost the cape) would make a particle of difference?  I taped his feet to the top of my computer monitor in my office to cheer me up and get me through the long afternoons.  Should I be surprised when my large public middle school where I've worked for many years went from well behaved and well managed to a nut house practically overnight?  My little Lego figure of Loki caused a lot of trouble and I was simply unprepared.

            The first indicator was that my little Loki moved around my office. I know that I taped him to firmly the top of my monitor but the first morning after he arrived I found him standing companionably next to my armored bear figure on the book case.  OK, back to the monitor. The next day he sat on my phone receiver and on the third day I really thought I’d lost him till I found him sitting nonchalantly on the top of the picture frame of the Gryffindor coat of arms.  I questioned the people I worked with and every one of them looked at me kindly, with a little concern, and told me no they hadn't been playing with my Lego Loki.  I believed them – if someone played with things I thought it might be something different every night: R2D2, Minnie Mouse, Harry, Ron, or Hermione, Puss-in-Boots, or any of my assorted toys collected over the years.

            After a few days Loki stayed firmly taped to the top of the monitor and I thought with relief that this stupidity was over.  Wrong.  That’s when things started happening in the building.  First, a series of unexpected fire alarms went off.  Now everyone knows that when this happens we evacuate 800 kids and staff members, disrupt everything, the fire department comes, checks out the building, and we finally go back inside.  After the third false alarm in three days (one was during a heavy down pour) we stopped evacuating and they looked for short circuits in the wiring.  All was calm for a few days. Loki moved from the monitor to the top of my daughter’s second grade picture but that seemed pretty ordinary by now.

            The next week, two days in a row, the water went off in the building.  When this happens they call the buses and send all the kids home because the sprinkler system stops working, which causes a big danger if there’s a fire.  This really messed things up.  One of those evenings was the night of the band concert and our custodians spent a lot of time setting up chairs in the cafeteria that they had to mov back the next morning.  The water malfunction caused frustration and inconvenience to the band members, teachers, parents and everyone else involved. 

            The water came back on and stayed on but then, all in one morning, every single math teacher in the building came down with with a nasty flu and none of them came to school. As luck would have it not a single substitute was available and the other teachers covered the math classes during their planning periods.  This continued for an entire week and the faculty’s nerves were pretty well shot by the end of the week not to mention the poor math teachers.

            One more week and things settled down except that Loki made a trip to my ceiling vent and stayed there the entire day before I found him.  His feet were taped to the vent and he hung awkwardly upside down.  He almost lost his horned helmet when I finally rescued him but it appeared inexplicably inside of one of my shoes that I took off to get up on the chair. 

            I could go on and on but I’ll just make a list of what happened next.  We had 8 straight days of telephone bomb threats which we take very seriously and everyone spends at least two hours outside.  The power went out in the middle of eighth grade lunch and the eighth graders lost no time in initiating a massive food fight.  They didn't suspend anybody because no one saw who threw anything.  Did I mention we have no windows in the cafeteria?  It was not long after that terrible day that our beloved principal and assistant principal, men who work well and happily together, screamed and yelled at each other in front of a sixth grade assembly and the assistant principal almost decked the principal.  It was about a box of missing binders.  No one really blamed them because every adult in the building was going to pieces.  Then we received a shipment of 1600 standardized tests which we must guard like the gold in Fort Knox. The next morning, after we locked them in a special and secure room, we found 500 tests missing and the rest torn up and thrown all over the room.  This meant investigation by the State Board of Education and the potential loss of several people's jobs, including the principal’s and mine.  That same day every single bus arrived very late due to mechanical problems and all the administrators, already about to be investigated by the state, stayed till almost 7:00 PM until substitute buses took the kids home.

           By this time our parents withdrew their children from our school at an alarming rate because of their children's stress levels, and four faculty members went out on long term leaves of absence due to shattered nerves .  The school system suspended our principal and assistant principal due to the loss of the test books and strangers came in to run the building.   I narrowly escaped suspension in the test book debacle.

            Finally it dawned on me months later than it should have, that my little wandering Loki caused of all this chaos and mischief.  Since when is it normal for toys get up and move around on their own?  Did I think I lived in a live action version of Toy Story? When I suggested this to our secretary she burst into tears telling me that if I cracked up and left on extended leave she would too.  She’d had it.

            OK.  Now what?  I went into my office where Lego Loki stood innocently on top of my computer monitor just where he should be.  The painted scowl on his face looked just as it always had, very grumpy.  I pulled him off the monitor and held him in my hand and said, “Loki!  This is it, I've figured it out and all of this, every bit of it, is your fault!  I should have known when you started wandering around my office. You’re a Lego figure about an inch high.  You shouldn't be wandering anywhere!  What's going on?”

            The voice of a cultured Englishman spoke in my ear and startled me so that I nearly fell down.  The Lego Loki no longer stood in my hand and the six foot two real Loki, wearing at least a foot of horned golden helmet, stood right behind me.  I whirled around and as I'm short leaned my head back to look at his face.  He no longer scowled; he  laughed at me. “Well darling, it’s your entirely your fault.  I couldn't be expected to leave things as they were after the way you treated me.  I must admit I've had a wonderful time watching your precious school fall apart.  If you hadn't figured it out by next week, your school was going to experience a very real fire.”

            I was afraid that’d I had a concussion, remembered nothing about the blow to the head and that the very large being in my office was a hallucination.  With his helmet he stood more than seven feet tall and wore his full battle dress with armor. My office isn't much more than a glorified broom closet and he took up about the whole room.  He also removed most of the oxygen from the air as near as I could tell.  I had trouble breathing and my heart rate was probably over 150.

            “What?! What the hell are you saying? What did I ever do to you? You must be crazy causing all these problems in a school!” I resisted the urge to slap the superior smile right off his face. He reminded of the ninth grade boys I worked with long ago; this one was very pleased with himself.

            “Indeed, Susan, some people suggest that I am unbalanced, but they are only my detractors. I told you that it’s your fault and I will disrupt your school until you fix the problem. The incidents at your school will grow worse and worse. you must choose. Fix the problem or your school will fall apart and you will lose your job.  I cannot answer for the number of people may suffer injury in the fire because I know nothing about the competence of your fire department people.”

            Leaning my head back I looked at him. He still smiled broadly; it was an evil smile, a smile of pure malicious joy. He was really enjoying this.

            “OK, what am I supposed to have done? (I knew that the next stop for me was the psycho ward; I was talking to an seven foot tall god, dressed all in green and gold, who definitely was not there. It was my turn for extended leave and probably forced retirement.) Please tell me and I’ll do whatever you want, I think.  Please, Loki.

            “You really don’t know what you did, and what you continue to do?  You displayed me to all who come in your office _without my cape._ No one would be is so disrespectful to Thor, if you notice. 

            “I didn't know what was in the tiny white box that came in the package with you so I threw it away. I’m so sorry. How can I get you another cape?”

            “As there are no Asgardian tailors in your realm you must make me one yourself.  I assume you can obtain the materials?”

            “Yes, Loki, I can and I will.  What if after I make the cape I take you away from this school?  You must not like it here very much.  You can’t even see outside from this room. What do you think of that?”

            He looked at me with narrowed eyes, his mouth grim.  “Where would you take me?  Oh no, I can’t trust you to take me anywhere.  You make me a new cape and until I get it, I will stay right here.  If you make more mistakes I know exactly what to do.” He smiled again as if he’d just invited me out to a lovely dinner, a delicious prospect. I guess I was supposed to be delighted.

            “OK, Loki, here you’ll stay.” My phone rang and with a jump I picked it up and answered it.  My new boss told me he needed to speak to me and would be in my office in about 5 minutes.

            “Loki, please leave my office. Now. My boss is coming, and aside from the strangeness of his meeting a Norse god in my office, there just isn't room for the three of us.  Or for the two of us for that matter.”

            “And just where do you suggest I go?”

            “Can’t you go back to being an inch tall and stand back up on my computer monitor?”

            “I cannot.  I will not, and  I won’t until you have my new cape for me.” He smiled lazily, his eyes twinkling, no rush necessary.

            “Loki, the one inch tall cape or the six foot two cape?”

            “I think you will make one of each just to teach you a lesson.  Make a couple of spares as well.”

            “Loki! My boss is about to walk in the door.  Get out of my office!”  Loki laughed and vanished just as my boss walked through the door.

            “Susan, “my boss said, “I tell you, I've had a very trying and unusual day.”

            “You have no idea, sir.  I completely understand.” I felt rather than heard Loki’s laughter.  “How can I help you?”

 

            The upshot of this story is that Loki stayed in my office almost two weeks or at least he said he did.  I don’t believe for a moment that he stayed there during all the dull dark hours the building is closed.  He probably enjoyed tormenting someone in Asgard or the next county, for all I knew.  But when I was in my office he was visible only to me. I talked to kids and parents, worked on the computer, talked on the phone and did all the other things my job entails.  Loki especially enjoyed distracting me while I was using the computer; it slowed thing up a lot.  Occasionally he waved to me from across the cafeteria after throwing a few ketchup laden French fries, and sometimes he sat in on staff meetings, but I think he found them very dull.  He only came to two and both times he caused the principal’s carefully put together notes to scatter everywhere, twice. Every once in a while I darted into the lady’s room only to find him there adjusting his helmet in the mirror.  I pointed out that he could use the men’s room but he countered that it was nowhere near as nice, considerably dirtier and he couldn't startle me in there.  It was a long two weeks.

            I went to the fabric store and bought expensive green fabric after discussing with the lady in the store how it draped (for a costume party, I said). I do not own a sewing machine so I bought one and told my daughter and husband that I was making costumes for the school play.  I don’t think for a minute that either of them believed me but they went along.  They both feared that I was cracking under the strain and they were close to being right.  I made another order from Ebay.

            When the capes were done I took them to school for Loki’s inspection, terrified that he wouldn't approve of them.  I was equally terrified that I made the capes for a hallucination but I thought I'd better be safe than sorry. Loki approved of the capes and with shaking hands I put the tiny cape on my Lego Loki which real Loki gave back to me. I handed Mr. Tall two full-size capes and the extra little one.  He bowed and said our business together was done, at least for now.  He smiled his sarcastic smile and winked at me again.

            “Oh” I said, “I made another purchase - just for you.”  I opened my school bag and brought out a 12” figure of Thor, complete with Mjolnir, stood him on top of my computer monitor and fastened him down with a lot of duct tape.

            Loki looked at me with fury and I thought he was going to kill me on the spot (I saw him kill those dark elves).  But he simply glowered at me, swore inelegantly and disappeared.

            Finally, it was all over. Thor would prevent any more trouble and the full-sized Loki was gone.  We continued with the school year as best we could but I must admit that sometimes I missed Loki’s company.  He was lovely to look at when he wasn't creating chaos and he made a very dull afternoons very interesting sometimes. It was better he was gone though.  My principal and assistant principal came back and things went back to normal until one Thursday morning.

            I opened my office door to find a huge blond god looking down at me, blue electric bolts traveling over the surface of his great hammer, blue eyes sparkling. If I thought Loki filled up my tiny office I was wrong, this god was truly huge complete with red cape down to his great booted heels. He looked like a very large dog in a crate that is very much too small for him; I wasn't sure he could turn around. With great aplomb I said, “Uh, hello, uh Thor?” He smiled genially down at me.

           “My lady” he said gently, “I hate to complain but I find these accommodations inadequate.  I have work that must be done in the Nine Realms and though I appreciate your hospitality I find I must leave.  It has been interesting watching you work with the children; I must complement you, you are good at your work.  So I give you my thanks and bid you farewell.”

            “Thor! Don’t you dare leave me alone here with Loki.  You know what happened last time!”

            “Do not worry, Susan, all will be well.  My brother will behave himself now; I talked with him for many long hours and threatened him with dire consequences should he bother you again. I apologize for the disruption he caused you and your school. Good-bye and good luck to you."  He bowed and smiled.

            “Thor!  Please!” But he was gone.  My little Loki stood on my computer monitor looking like the child’s toy that he was, the big Thor figure gone. Little Loki wore his cape now and looked far more dignified and not quite so grumpy.  So I believed Thor and knew that all would be well, until…

            Almost a year went by and things were blissfully dull and ordinary.  I walked in my office one morning to find my Lego Loki figure standing on top of my pencil cup. OK... I picked him up and looked at the little figure in my hand and said “You know what Loki? I’m not making you anymore capes and this time we do things my way!” As I live and breathe I swear that little face smiled and winked at me.

**Author's Note:**

> The author is a school counselor at a large middle school. Of course she knows that she doesn't need the God of Mischief to make a middle school an insane place to work.


End file.
